Written on September 3, 2005
Life has its twists and turns, some good and others bad. I had sent an email some days back that Nick Wilde, a young Marine lost his life in a training exercise. He was the older brother of one of Justin’s friends. Nick and I might have met twice but no more than that. I didn’t really know him other than he was Brandon’s older brother, our families really didn’t intersect.
The reason I am writing is that after Justin and I attended Nick’s funeral on Saturday I felt the need to share with you the experience. As you could probably imagine the foundation of a life well spent is a completely different one than a life cut short. He wasn’t sick and no one could have thought he would die within this country with all of the commitments and dangers aboard facing a solider in today’s armed forces.
What is abundantly clear is the horrific tragedy of losing a child. I cannot envision any more painful scar to walk through life. It has to be an unimaginable throbbing one would carry everyday for the rest of their lives. I sat with Justin, my son we were seated in the second to the last row of the New Hope Church in Rancho Penasquitos, CA a small suburb north of San Diego. As people poured into to church to attend this service more and more rows of seats were added behind us until the Fire Marshall would have probably been disappointed at the burgeoning body count.
As I sat there, some rather dramatic sights were before us. One was the two dress-marine’s who stood guard on each side of the flag draped coffin. The other, a slide show of Nick’s short life. The sight of honor guard standing motionless and stiff against the continual changing of photos of Nick playing and laughing over 20 years on the screen were so conflicting that I could not help but to struggle with my emotions. I immediately thought that here I sit just seven days before I get the pleasure of being the father of the bride, while in the first row is Nick’s parents who have lost their eldest son and never get to see or hold him again. The imbalance of life could not be more starkly apparent. I finally lifted my eyeglasses on to the crown of my head so that the task of wiping the tears rolling down my eyes would not be anymore demanding. I wished I had a hanky or tissue but it wasn’t really that important. We didn’t know this young man other than by name, but his fate and the pain for his family could not have been anymore genuine for me. How lucky my family is and how mournful this state of affairs must be for the Wilde’s.
The service started off with the Pastor re-assuring the congregation that Nick was in a better place and that his relationship with his lord gave his everlasting life. That is the guarantee a Christian has in this hour of pain. Next, two young men who knew him since they were young spoke to the gathering. Both talked separately but had the same message that Nick was loyal and fun. I wouldn’t mind having those two labels pinned on me at my memorial service. Through stories and insight these two youthful men spoke openly and passionately about their friend who made a differentiation in their lives. How Nick was always there without question to help and support a friend. Then there was a time where the audience was invited to reflect on Nick’s life. I always feel very uncomfortable with these unscripted moments, what if no one talks? Well needless to say, this turned out entirely dissimilar than any apprehension I could have had for his acquaintances and family. Two Marine’s took the microphone talking about Nick’s commitment to his unit and his God. They shared his fanatical commitment to doing his very best and his ready for action nature. One woman who grabbed the mike was the mother of one of the young men who spoke from the pulpit, she in very emotional terms told of the many trips to the beach with “the boys” and how they would wrestle and act up. She indicated that in hindsight those are the stolen moments you remember for a lifetime and what a little devil Nick could be but how much she loved his spirit and zest for life. Nick’s seventh grade teacher was there and through her tears told us that Nick wasn’t the best student but someone who made a difference to her class and that she loved his enduring spirit. One after another for about forty-five minutes people rose to their feet and spoke. It was incredible to grasp about the love for Nick and his family. The two individuals who had the most courage and impact were his grandmother and grandfather. She got up first and read a poem about love and family, she also spoke about Nick joining the Marine’s and what a difference it had made on his faith and life. Right after her Nick’s grandpa got up and told us how worried they were about Nick joining the service, what fear that had he might be lost on the battle field of the middle east. He then said that the transformation of Nick’s character after joining the corps was tremendous. He also shared that the Corps had been more supportive than he ever expected in Nick’s death an extended family, one that providing comfort in their pain. He thanked the soldier’s who were in the room (some 40 of them) for their service to our country and how very lucky and proud we should all be for their commitment. At that point people started to clap and then Nick’s parents rose to their feet in the front row starting a thunderous standing ovation. This scene as so starkly in contrast of how our media has been providing us with another parents’ grief.
Another aspect of this setting was to be seated next to my son, only two years younger than Nick. I often during the service touched Justin’s leg or put my arm around him. This time also made me reflect on Justin’s own spoken commitment to his country. He told me after 911 that he would gladly serve if called on to protect our freedoms. Although easier said than done, we know that he would.
I know that these thousand plus words don’t even come close doing Nick or this service justice. I hope that it does in some way provide some comfort that when one of our hero’s fall in the line of duty that our Military does provide comfort and care.
I feel so very fortunate to have my two children and I pray that God allows me to pass before they do, as the thought if either of them dying before me is too painful to even comprehend.
May he rest in peace and may God provide his family with comfort!
Jeff
